Mini-sketch: The Power of Saying "No"
Mini-sketch: The Power of Saying "No"
Not being able to say "no" to others leads us to overextend ourselves or to put ourselves in situations we do not want to be in. When we learn to say "no," we can start putting ourselves first.
If we're not used to prioritizing ourselves, something as simple as saying no can be anxiety-inducing.
However, being able to say no does not have to be scary or bad. Saying no can be an act of self-love.
The things that make saying no challenging include:
People pleasing tendencies
Conflict aversions
Fear of disappointing others
Attachment anxiety
Desire to feel needed
Low self-esteem
We feel selfish
Feeling like not having a choice
When we cannot say no, this can negatively impact our health, well-being, and relationships. Not saying no leads us to overextend ourselves or to put ourselves in situations we do not want to be in. For example, we might work longer hours, put up with poor treatment, or completely drain our energy.
The main issue is that we put someone else's needs above ours.
Signs we may be overextending
Some signs that it may be time to say "no" are:
Feeling overly anxious or depressed
Feeling exhausted
Feeling resentful or cynical of others
Being easily aroused or triggered
Experiencing constant conflict with loved ones
Having a low motivation to do hobbies or other personal responsibilities
When being "selfish" becomes self-care
It is completely okay to show for others when we can and want to. However, we must ensure we are showing up for ourselves first.
Often, people feel selfish because they say no, but saying no is a boundary, and boundaries are self-care. There are many benefits to being able to say "No," which include better moods and relationships.
When we can put ourselves first and say no more often, we can:
Feel more autonomous
Feel happier and closer to others
Enjoy our relationships more and feel more secure in them
Feel more energy
Be more appreciative of those around us
Have more time to practice self-care and do our hobbies
Manage conflict more productively
How to get better at saying “no"
Ask yourself why you are experiencing hesitancy:
If you were to say "yes," why would you be doing it?
If you were to say "no,” what would happen?
Understand that you are an autonomous person, and there is almost always a choice you can make.
Recognize that saying "no" is an act of love you are doing for yourself.
Celebrate every "no" or boundary you set. This was hard work, and it should be rewarded.
Learn to become comfortable with conflict, as conflict can also be an act of love.
Thank you for reading our article
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Roamers Therapy is a group practice in the South Loop and Lakeview neighborhoods of Chicago, Illinois. We offer in-person sessions at our physical offices in Chicago. We also offer virtual sessions in Illinois and Washington, D.C. Our therapists are trained in modern, evidence-based modalities such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy, and Gottman Method Relationship Therapy. We are experienced in treating trauma, anxiety, stress, depression, mood disorders, identity and racial trauma, LGBTQIA+ issues, relationship issues, life transitions, and grief.
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