Pools of grief
Grief a powerful and complex emotion. It is a deep and intense sense of sorrow and is typically associated with loss.
What is grief?
Grief a powerful and complex emotion. It is a deep and intense sense of sorrow and is typically associated with loss. Though often associated with death, grief can be a response to many losses, including:
Trauma
Breakups
Sickness
Infertility
Termination
Stages of grief
Kübler-Ross believed that grief occurs in stages and developed the Five Stages of Grief.
The Five Stages of Grief include:
Denial (e.g., feeling numb, or acting as nothing happened)
Anger (e.g., experiencing anger, aggression at situation)
Bargaining (e.g., contemplating what they could've done differently)
Depression (e.g., intense sadness due to the situation)
Acceptance (e.g., pain eases and begin to accept loss).
Pools of grief
Pools of Grief is an analogy that uses bodies of water to illustrate how people might experiences grief, sadness, and pain. The analogy is subjective because grief is subjective. Not everyone will experience or respond to grief the same way. Some people have lakes of grief while others have oceans and seas.
Grief is subjective
Grief affects people differently. People typically do not respond to grief in the same way. Often times people’s grief may get downplayed or invalidated because other people’s grief is worse. While it is true that other people may have more difficult experiences than us, it is also true that other people have it easier than us. Some people will have larger pools of grief, whereas others might have smaller ones.
Just because someone’s grief seems larger or more intense than yours, does not mean that your grief does not exist. Similarly, just because your grief appears more difficult than someone else’s, it does not mean that their grief does not exist. Multiple realities can coexist and all grief is valid.
Invalidating grief
When we invalidate grief (whether its our own or someone else’s), it leads to difficult problems, which include:
More intense grief
Anxiety, Depression, Trauma
Hopelessness
Loneliness
Health complications
Invalidating grief also makes it less likely that we will seek help when needed.
How to validate grief
Here are some ways to validate someone’s grief (even your own):
Listen to the person
Journal about it or reflect on it
Show compassion
Empathize
Validate emotions
Hold space
Practice self care
Practice self- and co-regulation techniques