Mini-sketch: Talking about s*x & Physical intimacy
Mini-sketch: Talking about s*x & Physical intimacy
S-x and talking about s-x is probably uncomfortable. This is because society has stigmatized s-x and has made it a taboo topic.
Why are S-x and physical intimacy taboo topics?
Despite being universally practiced, s-x and physical intimacy are also universally taboo. There are many reasons why s-x and physical intimacy are taboo:
Cultural and religious beliefs
Social norms
Gender norms
Sexuality and identity
Trauma
Experience
Shame
Upbringing
Knowledge
Physical intimacy and s-x: What's the difference?
Physical intimacy refers to different types of behaviors which can facilitate intimacy and desire through physical touch between partners, friends, and loved ones. These can include: hugging, kissing, hand holding, and cuddling.
S-x refers to a spectrum of behaviors between consenting individuals that facilitate desire, intimacy, and pleasure. S-x can be a form of intimacy, but not all s-x is intimate. These behaviors can include: penetrative and non-penetrative intercourse, toys, masturbation, and many other activities.
Why do people have h-x and physical Intimacy?
People have s-x and physical intimacy for various reasons. Some of these include:
To meet their (or their partner's) love language
To experience closeness
To relieve stress or practice self-care
To boost their self-esteem
To experience pleasure
To feel desired
To procreate
To alleviate boredom
To feel safe
To validate their identities
To explore fantasies
Talking about s-x does not have to be taboo
While it can feel uncomfortable or taboo to talk about s-x with partners, it does not have to be. Talking about s-x with loved ones is a very healthy behavior to engage in.
When we are able to discuss s-x with partners, we are able to de-stigmatize it, communicate our needs, set boundaries, meet our partners' needs, prioritize our physical, s-xual health, and experience guilt/shame-free pleasure.
Communicating needs
Talking about s-x should occur before, during, and after s-x.
Before s-x communication may include: fantasies, desires, arousal, boundaries.
During s-x communication may include: giving/retrieving/revoking consent, what feels good, what does not feel good, what you might want to try next.
After s-x communication may include: what worked vs. what did not work, activities to try next time, pillow talk.
Regardless of when you are communicating your needs, try to be as specific as possible. Avoid using euphemisms like: doing it, hooking up, getting some, etc.
While euphemisms can make the conversation around s-x more comfortable, they also make the conversation more confusing. This is because euphemisms leave room for subjectivity and interpretation.
Get specific with what you need, what you are into, and what you want to explore. AutoStraddle has a great activity worksheet to help partners get on the same page with s-x communication.
Myths about S-x
Part of the reason s-x is so taboo, is due to misinformation people have about it. These are some common myths that exist about s-x, that are not true:
S-x and talking about s-x is bad.
S-xual arousal is always spontaneous.
Pleasure is mostly/completely physical.
S-x is always intimate.
Planned s-x is not sexy.
Setting boundaries around s-x is prudish.
Saying "No" means you do not desire your partner.
S-x only refers to penetrative activities.
Different s-x drives means incompatibility.
S-x is not s-x without a climax.
Masturbation and s-x cannot be self-care
Take-Aways
S-x is something that is universally practiced, but can still be a very taboo subject for many reasons.
People have s-x and physical intimacy for many reasons.
S-x can be intimate, but it does not have to be.
Talking about s-x can be uncomfortable, but it does not have to be taboo.
Talking about s-x is very healthy and can help you communicate needs and set boundaries.
When talking about s-x, try being specifc and avoid euphemisms.
There are many myths that contribute to the taboo nature of s-x. Try checking any biases or misinformation you might have about s-x.
Thank you for reading our article
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