Weaponized Incompetence
Weaponized incompetence can be utilized for different reasons across different settings and can damage relationships
Weaponized incompetence occurs when someone strategically and intentionally avoids taking responsibility for tasks delegated to them by pretending to be incapable of completing them.
Weaponized incompetence can occur in a variety of settings and across different relationships, including:
Work/professional settings with colleagues and supervisors
Social relationships like friends and roommates
Romantic relationships
Familial relationships
Weaponized Incompetence
Examples of weaponized incompetence include some of the following:
Someone at work claims they are unable to complete a task because they have never done it.
A roommate messes up chores on purpose so they will not be asked to help with them again.
A partner or friend does not empathize with you because they claim they are not sure how to.
Someone refuses to respect your identity (e.g., pronouns or name pronunciation) because they just don’t get it.
How To Spot Weaponized Incompetence
Because weaponized incompetence is often used strategically, it can be difficult to differentiate it from a true inability to perform a task.
The critical factor to watch out for is whether the person has a desire to attempt the task that is assigned to them. This is the difference between:
I have never done this before, so it may be best for you to do it so it doesn’t get messed up.
I have never done this before. Would you mind answering a few questions or showing me how to do it?
What Causes Weaponized Incompetence?
There are various reasons why someone might engage in weaponized incompetence. Some of these reasons include:
Self-esteem: People may fear trying something new and failing. So they may prefer not to engage in it.
Desire: People may not want to learn a new task, especially if the task is cumbersome, uninteresting, boring, or unimportant to them.
Laziness: People do not want to take the initiative to expand their skills by learning a new task.
Stubbornness: People may be set in their ways and may not want to learn a new way of doing things, even if the newer way is more efficient.
How Does Weaponized Incompetence Affect Relationships?
Weaponized incompetence affects people and relationships in a variety of ways. Some of these include:
Burnout due to taking on too much work or responsibility.
Co-dependency is due to one person becoming a giver or doer and another person becoming a taker.
Resentment due to feeling overworked, taken for granted, used, or overlooked.
Decreased relationship satisfaction due to relationships becoming routine and desire decreasing.
Decreased work satisfaction due to feeling overworked or undervalued.
How to Manage Weaponized Incompetence?
When you spot weaponized incompetence, there are a few ways to manage and respond to it. Here are some tips:
Acknowledge/Validate
Disclose
Reframe
Set a boundary
Offer support
When you put this together, it can look like:
I understand that taking on a new task can be daunting. However, I feel overwhelmed with my bandwidth, and since this falls within your responsibilities, I need you to take this on. Plus, learning a new task will only benefit your skillset. I am more than happy enough to walk through it the first few times.
How to Manage Weaponized Incompetence?
If people continue to express reluctance to take on a new task, it’s crucial that you do not give in. When we give in, we reinforce their behavior. Instead, try:
Asking questions. Do you have questions about the task? Can I offer support to help you be more successful?
Maintaining your boundaries. I am happy to answer your questions, but this is something that falls within your responsibilities.
Asking for support. If you consistently encounter resistance, see if someone can help manage the situation with you.
Takeaways
Weaponized incompetence is when someone intentionally and strategically claims they can’t complete a task to avoid responsibility. Here is what we need to know:
It does not happen only in the workplace. It can also occur in different settings, such as friendships, familial, or romantic relationships.
Weaponized incompetence can be utilized for different reasons, such as self-esteem issues, desires, laziness, and stubbornness.
It can damage relationships and seriously affect relationship satisfaction and work satisfaction.
If you are experiencing weaponized incompetence from your coworker, friend, family member, or partner, you need to take some action to protect the relationship. It is essential to acknowledge it, disclose it, and gently reframe the problem to address weaponized incompetence. After completing these steps, it is important to set a boundary and support the one who uses weaponized incompetence.