What Does It Mean to Be a Performative Ally?
Whether a performative alliance has influenced or involved you, what matters most is what to do next
We often picture allyship as something we say, or post, or message to show support, especially during tough times. But in real life, being an ally takes more than that. Being an ally is about what happens after we say something, like the choices we make and the moments we decide to act, even when it feels uncomfortable. Allyship is defined as the active process of a person supporting minoritized communities they are not part of. Common examples of allyship include speaking out against observed injustices, amplifying the voices of different minority groups, donating money, attending protests, advocating, and serving as a mentor or support person for others.
Effective allyship can be understood through the 3 Cs of Transformative Allyship: Curiosity, Courage, and Commitment (Purdue University, 2020).
Curiosity: Allyship starts with curiosity. Because curiosity leads to a willingness to listen, learn, and understand experiences different from one’s own. At this point, curiosity can be considered the beginning of understanding. Curiosity is also a transformative process because it shows people that we cannot know everything at once and that learning is an integral part of this process.
Courage: Social psychology research shows that people tend to conform to the majority. In Asch’s (1956) classic experiments, individuals showed a tendency to agree with the majority opinion even when their own ideas differed. This “conformity behavior” is a powerful reflection of our desire to belong and be accepted. This is why being an ally requires courage, because sometimes defending what is right requires standing up against the silence of the majority.
Commitment: Finally, commitment turns good intentions into lasting change. This means choosing to be present not just when it’s easy or visible, but at all times. Commitment reminds us that solidarity is not a one-time behavior, but a lifelong practice.
These C reminds us that true allyship involves an ongoing willingness to learn, to take brave action, and to stay consistent even when it’s uncomfortable (Purdue University, 2020). It’s also important to remember that allyship can take many forms. Sometimes it comes from a genuine desire to support and connect; other times, it may be more about seeking approval or belonging. We all might have moved between these motivations without even realizing it. Even with good intentions, the way we support others can also harm them. That’s where the concept of performative allyship comes in. Performative allyship happens when someone publicly expresses support for a marginalized community but doesn’t follow through with meaningful or consistent action. In other words, it’s when we talk about allyship more than we live it. In this therapy sketch, we will explore the concept of performative allyship.
What is Performative Allyship?
At times, allyship may appear to be strong support from the outside, manifested through posts, statements, or messages of solidarity. But more specifically, performative allyship is when this support remains largely at the level of visibility and does not translate into action. There might be many reasons behind this. For example, this type of allyship can emerge unconsciously. The person sincerely wants to be supportive, but statements that are not backed by action can sometimes fall short of having the intended impact. Another reason may be that the focus of the behavior can sometimes shift to one’s own needs (such as visibility, conformity, or social reward), rather than the needs of the community.
Research shows four different motivations that explain why people become allies. Importantly, individuals may hold all four motivations simultaneously, though in different degrees (Radke et al., 2020).
Outgroup-focused motivation: This kind of motivation comes from a deep empathy for the challenges that marginalized groups face and a wish to support them. It’s about forming meaningful connections and working hand in hand to achieve justice.
Moral Motivation: Moral motivation stems from an individual perceiving inequality as contrary to their own values. Standing up against injustice is the desire to defend what one believes to be right. Both moral and outgroup motivation center on the needs of marginalized groups.
Ingroup-focused motivation: This kind of motivation stems from an individual’s desire to maintain relationships within their social group. In this case, alliance may be shaped more by conforming to behaviors seen as right or expected in the environment one belongs to than by personal beliefs.
Self-focused motivation: It centers on an individual’s self-image or emotional needs. These needs may include a desire for approval, recognition, or a reduction in guilt, etc. While such motivations are also human, they can limit the depth or sustainability of the alliance.
Research suggests that performative allyship often reflects motivations that are more ingroup-focused or self-focused. Deep within this act, there may be a desire for belonging, to be seen as good and caring. But when these motivations lead, allyship can become centered on the self rather than the community, which can harm both ourselves and others (Radke et al., 2020).
How does it affect the Performers?
Performative alliances can influence the performer’s emotions. Over time, they may recognize a gap between their values and actions. This discrepancy leads to a psychological phenomenon called cognitive dissonance (Festinger, 1957), which is the mental discomfort caused by holding two conflicting beliefs, thoughts, or behaviors. This internal conflict creates psychological distress. According to Cognitive Dissonance Theory, individuals generally strive for harmony between their conflicting thoughts and actions. When they cannot achieve this consistency, stress intensifies and can become more discomforting for individuals. Because our minds seek coherence, when our values and behaviors are misaligned, internal tension arises.
How does it affect the others?
Performative allyship creates a surface-level form of support that often limits the positive impact it could have on the very communities it aims to uplift. For communities that already carry the weight of not feeling fully heard, these moments can add to a quiet kind of fatigue. Over time, this can make it harder to build trust and harder still to recognize when support is genuinely rooted in care (McKenzie, 2020). It can also make people question themselves or wonder whether the support they’re receiving is real or just for appearance. That kind of uncertainty adds another emotional weight to people who already carry a lot.
What can we do?
There’s no perfect way to navigate allyship. Whether the performative alliance has influenced you or you have engaged in such behavior, the most important thing is what to do next. What makes a difference is the willingness to stop, reflect, learn, and take the next step with more care.
If Performative Allyship Impacted You: You might find yourself feeling a mix of different emotions. For example, you might feel anger or guilt about blaming a friend who is trying to be there for you. That’s why you must take time to reflect on how you are feeling: identify the trigger and name the transgression, acknowledge how the behavior affected you, consider what you need, set boundaries, and practice self-care and self-compassion. While it’s important not to alienate those who are trying to help, it’s equally valid to want meaningful support that feels genuine and consistent.
If You Have Engaged in Performative Allyship: The moment you realize that some of your actions may have been performative is already a powerful beginning, and that awareness is where real growth starts. From there, what matters is choosing to keep learning and showing up in new ways. Reading about the topic, listening to a podcast, asking questions to authorities, and explore why allyship feels meaningful to you might be the next steps. If you notice guilt or self-criticism, you might meet those feelings with self-compassion instead of shame.
Takeaways
Allyship is defined as the active process of a person supporting minoritized communities they are not part of.
Effective allyship can be understood through the 3 Cs of Transformative Allyship: Curiosity, Courage, and Commitment.
Performative allyship is when this support remains largely at the level of visibility and does not translate into action.
Research shows four motivations (outgroup-focused, moral, Ingroup-focused, Self-focused) that explain why people become allies.
Research suggests that performative allyship often reflects motivations that are more ingroup-focused or self-focused.
Whether a performative alliance has influenced or involved you, what matters most is what to do next. The key is to stop, reflect, learn, and proceed more carefully.
References
Asch, S. E. (1956). Studies of independence and conformity: A minority of one against a unanimous majority. Psychological Monographs: General and Applied, 70(9), 1–70. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0093718
Festinger, L. (1957). A theory of cognitive dissonance. Stanford University Press.
McKenzie, M. (2020). Performative allyship: Understanding the difference between performance and action. Journal of Social Issues and Policy Review, 14(2), 45–52.
Purdue University. (2020). Becoming an ally: The 3 Cs of transformative allyship. Purdue University Diversity and Inclusion Office. https://www.purdue.edu/diversity-inclusion
Radke, H. R. M., Kutlaca, M., Siem, B., Wright, S. C., & Becker, J. C. (2020). Beyond allyship: Motivations for advantaged group members to engage in action for disadvantaged groups. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 24(4), 291–315. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868320918698