What it means to truly empathize

Empathy is not a trait but a skill that people get better at the more they practice it.

Empathy

Empathy refers to a wide range of behaviors which move people toward mutual support and understanding. Empathy involves understanding the person’s trauma, culture, identities, and personhood to see why they may experiencing a situation the way they are. Empathy helps build connections with loved ones. Empathy is not a trait but a skill that people get better at the more they practice it.

Qualities of empathy

There are various qualities of being empathetic. However, some of the most important characteristics or qualities include:

• Active listening

• Perspective taking

• Attunement

• Non-judgemental approaches

• Validation and understanding

• Acknowledgement of what is unknown

Types of empathy

Despite what many people might think, there are several types of empathy - like many things, empathy can fall within a spectrum and encapsulate many different behaviors. Types of empathy include:

• Sympathy

• Emotional empathy

• Cognitive empathy

• Physical empathy

• S-xual empathy

Sympathy

Sympathy is not the same thing as empathy. Sympathy would likely fall on the extreme end of the empathy spectrum. Brené Brown defines sympathy as seeing someone in the dark and turning the light on; whereas empathy would mean sitting in the dark with that person.

Examples of sympathy include:

• Feeling sorrow, pity, or bad for another person

• Giving advice or solutions to someone

• Experiencing another person’s problems through our own lens

Emotional empathy

Emotional empathy refers to the ability to hold space for another person’s emotions. Emotional empathy recognizes that while we may not experience the same emotional reaction in a similar situation, we can get why someone else might. Examples of emotional empathy include:

• Recognizing it takes vulnerability for someone to open up

• Feeling sadness when someone shares their grief

• Feeling joy when someone shares their success

• Understanding when something may be difficult for someone

Cognitive empathy

Cognitive empathy refers to the ability understand another person’s thought process and experiencing the situation through their perspective. Cognitive empathy recognizes that while we may not think the same way as someone else, we all have different learning and thought processes.

Examples of cognitive empathy include:

• Understanding why someone may be able to compartmentalize a situation (or not)

• Understand that logic can be subjective

• Understand why someone may feel confused about something

Physical empathy

Physical empathy refers to the ability understand another person’s physical behaviors and reactions and experiencing the situation through their perspective. Physical empathy recognizes that while we may not behave or react the same way as someone else, we all experience body sensations differently.

Examples of physical empathy include:

• Seeing someone tense up and recognizing that they may be frustrated or anxious.

• Seeing someone shut down and recognizing that they may feel depleted, overstimulated, tired, or sad.

• Seeing someone smile and recognize they may be happy

S-exual empathy

S-xual empathy refers to the ability understand another person’s s-xual behaviors and reactions and experiencing the situation through their perspective. It recognizes that we all have different s-xual needs, fantasies, and experiences. Because of this we may all experience s-x differently.

Examples of s-xual empathy include:

• Understanding someone’s s-xual bid attempts

• Recognizing that someone’s reactions during s-x may be a trauma response

• Noticing someone’s reactions, facial expressions, and emotions during s-x as a cue for enjoyment or discomfort

• Creating safe spaces to discuss s-x

Take-aways

Empathy helps create connections with others through mutual support and understanding and there are many ways we can empathize with loved ones. Empathy is a skill we get better at the more that we practice it. Regardless of how we are trying to empathize, empathy involves understanding someone’s personhood. If you want to better empathize with loved ones, make sure to:

• Check biases, judgement, and personal opinions

• Remain curious and open learn

• Listen actively and ask questions